An age I once awaited in wonder, and came to fear in the years leading up.
An age that is here now, and age I cannot wait to conquer and explore — despite my concern.
In year 17 I got really lost, I found myself and my truth. I learned and I allowed a mess to be made so I could examine the wreckage. I dove into my soul and explored its waters. The depth, the layers, the dark and the light. I began year 17 with resentment, fear, and anxiety, and I am ending it with the opposites.
Compassion, acceptance, and excitement.
Coming to this ‘turning point’ has been one of the most emotional things for me. — And that’s not to turn this into emotionalism or ask you to pity any part of my story. To be completely frank that is just dumb, and my story, whatever it is and whatever it will become, is one of the things I am most grateful for. —
18 is amplified energy (that’s not some metaphysical numerology belief, it’s actually how the energy feels and has presented itself). It is facing fears and overcoming them in record time, because I’ll just have to. I mean, 18 is about time to get over that fear of driving, also though, it just feels right in timing.
18 is the most terrifying and lovely kind of magic. An odd balance it is, being the girl who has no problem throwing herself and her work out there, who isn’t afraid to jump into a project when it feels right and leave easily when it doesn’t, the girl who honors her dreams by realizing them rather than fearing them, while simltaneously being the girl who hasn’t kissed or been kissed (I have no shame or embarrassment in this, it’ partially by choice/my fault. One of the few things I’m picky about is people) and is still very unstoked on the idea of driving.
18, for me, feels like a butterfly exiting its cocoon ever-so gracefully & gently, yet so very powerfully, or like a flower trusting the process and blooming in beautiful time. Realizing myself as true + genuine as I can, fulfilling my potential as much as possible. I am done feeling small. Not out of ego, my soul is yearning to grow and expand. Up from the soil and into the warmth of the sunlight.
I know people worry about me, and my choices, so I’d like to take a moment to address that for the last time… “No back up plan?!”, “She’s never moving out!”, “She needs to get a job!”, “I hope she doesn’t get her dreams crushed.”, etc. I love these people, and with the utmost compassion I would like to thank them for underestimating me. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt or make me maybe want to smack you, it encourages my passion and drive. So thank you.
18 is one of the oddest years I have faced, and simultaneously the most exciting. There is so much positivity present, so much opportunity and probability for fantastical magic. It is terrifying and enticing, overwhelming yet very zen. I could not be more, or less, ready for this adventure.
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