Why I Have A Problem With The Term ‘Bigger Person’

Why I Have A Problem With The Term ‘Bigger Person’


“Be the bigger person and blah blah blah — ” I have a problem with this ‘bigger person’ term. I’ll bet you’re wondering why.. after all you’re on this page because you clicked on it. πŸ˜‰

So what’s the issue? Being the ‘bigger person’ makes it easier for everyone right? Well, yea, buuut intention is important, and being the ‘bigger person’ is egotistical. Like, really egotistical. I’ve found in most cases we only choose to ‘be the bigger person’ because our ego likes it. It makes us sound better to ourselves, higher than others. “Be the bigger person and let it go.”, “Be the bigger person and be respectful.”, “Be the bigger person and invite them anyway.”

Why not do all of those things just to be kind and compassionate? Why not just have kind hearted intentions because you can? Why not be as light filled (and emitting) as possible because you can and it is authentic, and genuinely good for everyone when you stay in your light? What is the intention when choosing to be the ‘bigger person’?

The ego likes the idea because it makes you sound better. The ego likes the idea because it makes us feel better about ourselves. The ego likes the idea because it is a round about way of being nice. I am sorry to inform you, this is a false sense of confidence. “If you want to feel good, do good.” Genuine, real good. Not round about, half-assed good because it’s good for you. I feel there is a layer missing, untapped. That layer is good intentions. Compassion, kindness, possibly community, collaboration, etc. I don’t get the feeling that being the ‘bigger person’ is fueled by any intentions other than the personal gain, “confidence” *ahem, ego* boost (inflated ego & genuine confidence are very different things).

Before we grow our ego and feed that beast, lets grow our compassion and feed the love + light. Stop being the ‘bigger person’, do your best to do good and be a kind, giving person. Work you light, not your ego. Nourish your light, not your ego.


~Riley Reign

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13 thoughts on “Why I Have A Problem With The Term ‘Bigger Person’

  1. I can’t even say how much I do agree with this. I truly dislike that term and I have to say that I don’t like people who never get into a fight or never get mad at something. Sure, one thing is to be in fights all the time, but other is to show that you are not a robot and that you do have feelings.
    I really enjoyed reading this post, you write really beautiful.

  2. I like the term BETTER PERSON because nowadays, doing something out of compassion is being better. But I see your point and it makes sense. Just like how they say “Don’t be a girl and ask her out” or “Stop being a gay and do it!” and it wasn’t nice.

  3. I see what you mean. It is synonymous to humble-bragging, but I think many take the term lightly. They perhaps donΒ΄t see it as egotistical although it is egotistical. I sure think that the term has a gray line, it could be used as a form of encouragement or adding pressure to someone.

  4. Hmmm, Riley. I can see where you are coming from. It is the choice of word.

    In a relationship – personal, work, etc. Sometimes we are the bigger person by being the smaller person. Humility, and knowing how to take one step backward to take two steps forward.

  5. Oh this is so true!! I can say I 100% agree with you! I hate the term “be the bigger person” to me it’s always been a “let that person who is being unreasonable or a truly horrible human get away with things” statement! And yes it is definitely an ego boosting thing to say, thankfully I’ve not said in years to anyone but I have had it said to me at work and I just grumbled!! I find it’s more of an older generation thing to say these days and I will not be saying it to my daughter as she gets older!

  6. I do enjoy the manner in which you have presented this particular situation plus it does indeed provide me a lot of fodder for thought. However, coming from what I have observed, I really hope as the feedback pack on that men and women stay on point and in no way embark upon a soap box involving some other news of the day. Still, thank you for this outstanding point and even though I do not necessarily go along with this in totality, I respect the perspective.

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