I’m not sure why I’m writing this, I just know that I need to. I don’t believe emotional numbness exists, but I do know that you can feel so much that you don’t know what to do with it all. Perhaps this is my way of sifting and sorting out my feelings so that I can find some clarity + wisdom to offer. Hopefully this blog can inspire + empower a positive shift within your life.
There are so many things running through my mind today. Yes, my heart is heavy. More than anything I am fired up. More than anything I feel even more driven to show up for the light. Because we know that we can damn well use it.
Last night, a person made a decision to affect others in a tragic way in Las Vegas, Nevada. For those of you that have read the blog for more than 3 months, you know that I grew up in Vegas. You might also know that when I lived there, music was a huge part of my life. I woke up to facebook notifications that 50 something of my 90 something friends in Vegas had marked themselves as safe in the Violent Incident in Vegas today. So, when someone decides to attack a space that I can easily call home (a music festival) within a place that holds so much of my family and friends, I cannot help but feel hurt. It doesn’t help that my little empathic self deeply feels for events like these all over the world anyway.
There is an image of a few friends running from the festival that particularly stands out to me. I will not share it here, because I do not want to exploit the most vulnerable and likely horrifying moments of their lives. If you’ve seen the image already, you’ll see how my feelings relate.
I grew up on music, and it continues to be a huge part of my life and evolution. I’ve been going to music festivals since I was 15 years old. I walked on that same grass. I stood by those same barricades on a yearly basis, in that same city. I have experienced some of the best moments of my life within that space, and with those people. To see them being hurt, let alone being hurt in such a sacred place, deeply deeply upsets me.
I cannot change what this person did, and still I cannot help but feel like I must be a pillar of light (even more so than usual when these kinds of things happen).
This person not only affected his own life, and the lives of those he harmed. His actions affected the families of those hurt or killed, they affected the families and friends of those people, and the families and friends of those people. My family has been a mess today, rightfully so. I woke up, read facebook, cried for a good hour, pulled myself together and attempted to start my day. When I heard my younger siblings being told what had happened, I broke down. My sisters are 8 and 6, and woke up to learn that the reason their family could barely keep it together at the breakfast table was because someone decided it was an okay enough idea to shoot a bunch of innocent people who were enjoying their lives. I can understand that bad things happen, there is balance in the Universe in some way. What I will not accept is someone intentionally influencing someone else’s life in a beyond negative way.
This is the ripple effect. Your actions have a ripple effect. Always.
This person’s actions have caused my friends to question whether or not they will attend concerts anymore. This may seem blunt, but that is a question of whether or not to live your life the way you want to (and how you have the right of freedom to). Life is meant to be lived un-a-fucking-pologetically. Not hidden from, no matter the ‘risks’.
I love this world more than my cute little human heart is probably capable of, especially for not having experienced most of it. All I want is for the world to be a mostly peaceful and joyful place. I do not care about your politics, I do not care about your religion. I do not give a flying fuck about the color of your skin or your sexual orientation. What I do care about is your humanity. I know that this can be prevented, or healed, with awareness, understanding, compassion, and completely unconditional love. In that exact order.
“Why is this happening?” “Why/How is this the world we live in?” “How does this keep happening? In 2017!!?!?”
We have got to show the fuck up. We have got to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions if we want to heal this. We have so much more influence than we allow ourselves to know. This isn’t one person’s surface snap-decision, when you go deeper than that this is all of us.
It breaks my heart that it seems to require tragedy to unify us. Not only do we need to show up, we need to show up in our power and light as often as we can, not only when negativity and darkness try to bitch-slap us.
Everything you do puts into motion a ripple effect. What do you want yours to be? Even more importantly, how will you inspire + empower that ripple?
The light in me honors the light within you.